Looking for God

a poem after 26 years

You want to forget yourself, and come
undone, lose track of time and every
little need they toss our direction.

Do you remember the luxury of whole days
spent in bed, when church was still a
term of endearment?

We let go of everything
before we even knew
how much we would need to be free.

In this world, we worry there is no worship
except sacrifice, and duty,
endurance, and TikTok -

Between presidencies, prairies have become
housing developments, and our babies
have turned to teenagers.

Under your breath you wonder
how we can be sure
we aren’t raising our bully.

You say it quiet in case he comes looking
for lunch money or math help,
on the sidelines of his

big game where
you can’t stop yourself
from cheering for both sides.

Not every goodness has been broken
by the weight of what we have held
and kept going. We aren’t done

staring at stars, and whole galaxies haven’t even
been discovered yet, or born.
Their brains will keep developing,

I tell you, like it’s my latest statement
of faith, and we are not done praying,
or looking for God.